I do not have time to do anything. I do not have time to even talk to friends on the phone. For the first time in 21 years of marriage, I didn't make a big deal about my hubby coming home from an out-of-town trip. Every time he has spent the night away from our home, I have always cleaned the house spotlessly, made him a favorite meal and made sure that I looked my very best. Last night when he came home from a four day business conference, I was in my nightgown (not a sexy one), lying in bed reading. The house was not cleaned and there was no dinner waiting. I think he was a little shocked.
Why? You all ask. I am feeling defeated. I took three classes (all have labs) this semester and I am still working fulltime. I am just so worn out. BUT just when I need it--God made His presence known to me.
I am taking my second inorganic chemistry class. Same very hard instructor. But I thought that I had mastered her teaching and testing style. I worked so hard this past week preparing for the first large test. I have made 100's on every quiz, all of my lab reports and all homework. I felt really good about taking the test. I studied like 40 hours for it. I know this material. I got my grade back and it was an 82. That is awful. I was so disappointed. The sad thing is that it was the 2nd highest grade in my class. My lab partner made an 84. AND the teacher doesn't curve.
On my way home I couldn't even cry. I wanted to cry but my body just wasn't cooperating. There was nothing else that I could do. I did everything right. I didn't miss a class. I studied throughout the course. I met in multiple study groups. I did all I know to do. The grade is very important to me because I am attempting to get into med school as a nontraditional student. I must standout from the other applicants and not just my age.
So I resigned to drop the course and just give up on my lifelong dream. I am worn out. So I felt this terrible sadness at deciding to not follow my dream. I would just learn to be content with all that I have.
With all this going on, I decided to just go to sleep. Then I had this wonderful dream. I was in a doctor's office in the exam room. My son was sitting on the exam table. The doctor was facing him. The doctor was foreign but I didn't recognize the nationality. He looked at my son and said, "Brandon (our last name) you will be a doctor." Then he turned around and took my face in his hands, he looked me straight in the eyes and said in a very gentle, yet authoritative voice, "Mia (my last name), you WILL be a doctor." Then all of the sudden I woke up. I heard the Lord in my spirit say--I woke you so that you will remember that dream. He showed me that it is His will for my life. He planted the desire in my heart. My desire is very pure and not motivated by a need for recognition, fame, or wealth. It is rooted so deep inside me that it is absolutely powerful.
So I have a renewed joy and strength. Isaiah 40:31 …those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.